"Most Folks Are About As Happy As They
Make Up Their Minds To Be"

(In memory of Steve Glisan) 

As I write this week’s message there is great sadness and pain down to my very soul. My plan was to write about my favorite president, Abraham Lincoln, and how he overcame the adversities in his life, but something happened and I can’t focus on anything but that.  Last week in the early hours of January 26^th, a friend of mine, which I’ve known for close to thirty years, committed suicide. His name is Steve Glisan and he was fifty years old, a successful businessman with a beautiful wife and three wonderful children.

A famous quote by Abraham Lincoln states; “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be,” but I don’t believe that applies all the time.  I believe that sometimes depression and/or guilt can be so embedded in the core of ones being that anti-depressants drug, therapy, trying to think positive or even the love and compassion of friends and family cannot take away their unbearable pain. Even praying doesn’t do any good, because they can’t quit thinking of the pain they’re going through long enough to feel the loving presence of the Lord. They just want to escape their pain at any cost.

Steve e-mailed me three times the day before he took his life and although his messages were filled with sadness I did not e-mail or call him. I will never know if my words could have kept Steve from killing himself, but I believe that we were placed on this Earth not just to learn and grow from our adversities and become the person God created us to be, but to also help one another. I will live with the guilt and pain the rest of my life, due to not being there for Steve, but I will become a better person. Steve taught me a lesson that I will never forget. Ann, his wife, tried to comfort me with her words, “If the kids and I had no idea, no one could have known or done anything to stop him . . . he was determined.” However, there will always be a part of me that feels that I could have made a difference, but I will never know.  Today my hope is that you will not make the same mistake that I made; because until you’ve walked in someone's shoes you have no idea how much pain they are carrying on their shoulders. One of the most important things for people, when they are in crisis, is having someone listen to them and really hear what they are saying, but I wasn’t there for Steve. Don’t walk away or close the door on someone you care for. Don’t assume they will snap out of it with time. Be there for them . . .  

I asked Steve last month what he wanted for Valentine’s Day and he said: “That is an answer I would love to talk about . . . a tough one for sure . . . to be loved would be good.”  There were probably 700 people at his funeral—how could Steve not have known how much he was loved and by so many people?  His wife told me: “I don’t think any of us will ever know what the final deciding factor was for Steve.” I'm not a therapist, but I believe that he was in so much pain, due to his indiscretions, that he couldn’t love or forgive himself for the pain that he caused the people he loved and thought he was a failure. You see, for eight year, starting around 1998, Steve led a life of affairs, pornography, sexual addiction and alcoholism. He lost the company he had started, he lost a lot of money, but most importantly he lost his family. Then Steve tried to commit suicide. With the advice of his wife, Steve checked himself into The Meadows and overcame the adversities that had caused him so much pain and began dedicating his life to the Lord.  Plenty of people told Ann not to take Steve back, but she forgave him and together they went around speaking about the dangers of sexual addictions and trying to help people that were going through the same addictions Steve went through. Ann said Steve's goal was to save 10,000 marriages and was on his way.

Steve did not think about the effect his suicide would have on his family or friends, for if he did, he would not have taken his life--he was too caught up in his own pain and so he gave up. But you have a choice, this very moment, to think about how your actions or words will affect the people in your life. You may not get a second chance to make things right. Make a better choice then Steve and I did. Please don't let Steve’s death be in vain. Seek help when you need it. Think about how your actions are going to affect your loved ones before you do something you will regret for the rest of your life. And remember to be there when your friends and family are in need and tell them you care and love them, even though you know they know it. Make them feel special; because you never know when it will be the last time you will see them alive.  This week we are focusing on "Most Folks Are About As Happy As They Make Up Their Minds To Be" in memory of Steve Glisan. A little glimpse can be found on This Weeks Inspiration and Weekly Messages pages.